skipseagleflash @ 2003-12-26T13:00:00

2003-12-26T18:10:15Z

I think I owe everybody an explanation... for why I've been so sad recently... Well during 2003 life hasnt been good for me... During the beginning of the year I had Tara on my back constantly putting me down for not putting CoChise into training... During the beginning of the year I had GEPA with Boyle (shivers)... During the summer my great-grandmother died... (very sad)... then school started (lol)... then I had my accident... then I had EVERYBODY (except one person) feeling sorry for me, I am sorry people but I DONT NEED PEOPLE TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME! That was just awful... it felt good at first but it's stupid weeks after it happened.... Now I've had a bit of pressure choosing what courses I'm gonna take next year.... my memory has been a bit uhh..... interesting? (probably an after effect of the accident)... and now my grandfather is very sick... So I think I have quite a bit to be upset about right now... O... as for the cutting... I'll never do it again... cause it itches like a bitch right now and it's annoying as hell... lol... it's also something to do with odd years... every odd year...(ie 2001, 2003, etc) something happens and i feel really sad all the time... I can't help it... ashley knows what I'm talkin about (head wise lol).... so yea... I hope that clears up a little for everybody.

skipseagleflash @ 2003-12-20T20:05:00

2003-12-21T01:29:31Z

Yea... welcome to my second LJ... where I will write about how i feel about myself sometimes.... (usually I'm crying/angery/depressed) so if you find this journal... dont tell people about it... let them find it themselves...

Ok... today

found out that I am considered 'irresponsible'... (don't totally disagree with that)... ok well... tara's gonna give me hell tommorrow... gonna say 'WHAT IS THIS ABOUT U RIDING WITHOUT A HELMET'... so I've mentally prepared a speech... (kinda lol)
Today I feel like just stopping... everything... just stopping the world to be able to breath, cry, and plan...

i really don't care what people think or say... but i do care about idk... something between that....

Sometimes i get really depressed... i cut myself... you who've seen my arm... that was done at night while i was really mad... and sad... (I couldnt risk using a knife so i repeatedly scratched my arm in one spot till it stung real bad...)

yea...

I would love to quit the program and just take lessons.... but i'd make every one sad (well almost... i dont think more than 2-5)... besides I'd get better at riding instead of paying to do her work.....